I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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