She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
