I'm gonna have a badass scar
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
