So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
