Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
