well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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