I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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