Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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