Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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