You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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