I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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