I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
