I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize