I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
