I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Couch. On fire.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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