he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
