so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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