Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
