U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
