i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
