I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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