Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
