Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
