I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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