Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
