I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
