life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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