Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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