But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
15 Times â€śFlight of the Conchordsâ€ť Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office