I faked an abortion last night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.