you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.