I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
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I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.