Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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