i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And then he peed in my hair
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