drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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