and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
