Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
