I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
