That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
