Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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