he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
