Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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