now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
