Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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