I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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