you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.