Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
