A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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