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I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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