I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
