I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
