am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
