4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
