Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
