Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
