just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
