Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
