you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
