Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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