I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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